I seem to be writing about my dogs, mostly because I don't want to insult my relatives, I suppose. Merlin is the "middle" dog. When he was a puppy, we thought he had turret's syndrome because he used to, for absolutely no reason, at any random time, sleeping or awake, jerk and twitch. (If we had known, we would have called him Jerk or Twitch, I suppose). But, we thought, since he was a rescue and looked like a heeler/border collie mix he would be smart and clever - hense Merlin.
He turned out to be magically stupid. A total retardo as Katie called him.
He was hit in the head more times by balls and treats than any other dog we've had. STILL doesn't know how to catch anything. Learned to sit, though. That's is the total repertoire of his tricks.
Jerking and twitching throughout puppyhood, we soon realized he was even more special than that. Should have been obvious with the one eye brown and the other eye blue....
One day he saw John in the back yard, kinda far out there. Maybe 150 feet away or so, and went tearing toward him, grabbed his ankle and wouldn't let go. Fearlessly stupid! Took him about 20 seconds to realize it was John kicking him off his leg - so he ran back in the house totally confused as to why a stranger should have been his master.
He also humps air. Just walkin' around, getting up from a nap, checking out the smells in the back yard. Yep, air hump. Hump it up here, hump it up there, here a hump, there a hump, Merlin's doin' hump-de- hump. Merlin is our special boy, hump de dump de oh.
Nobody knows why. Nobody asks. We just look askance and wait for him to quit.
What's a master to do?
He also is completely freaked if he doesn't have something in his mouth. He started this as a puppy. Had to be holding something almost constantly. Toy, sock, shoe, grass.... poop. If you came home and walked in the door and his mouth was empty he would have to run outside and find something before he would greet you. You prayed it wasn't a poop-sicle.
Now, he's older and getting a little more special.
He developed high triglycerides a few years back and was put on a low fat diet. That really didn't help too much. His left eye is pretty much covered over by a lipid (fat) deposit. Guess it must look like a cataract from the inside out. He's not blind in that eye, just can't see well from it. So now his turret's is back, but he's mostly twitching to check things out with his good eye. That, at least, I can understand.
He's also been Rocky's 'big' brother. Taught him to eat poop. Try stopping TWO dogs from doing it! Saw him making doggie snow angels - before there was snow on the ground this morning - so I think Rocky may have learned that from him, too. Taught Rock to eat snow - no matter what color it is. And, I'm guessing it is especially good snow if it has little bunnie chips in it. They really go for that kind of snow - a bit hard to find, I guess.
So how does this make a person feel who has been around animals all her life? I was a zookeeper at the Fort Worth Zoo. I've handled enormous animals weighing over 1,000 lbs. I've been an animal nurse. I've cared for mammals, amphibians, reptiles, fish, birds... trained dogs and horses.... and Merlin the magician has me stumped. He can't be trained to do anything except sit. He behaves because he's loyal as the day is long. He's NEVER far from the pack leader (me) and has big emotional problems when I have to be away from the house for any period of time.
How does it make me feel? Humbled. Merlin, dumb-as-a-rock Merlin who can only see out of one eye and will walk straight in the pond and look back at you while you're yelling at him with "What?" on his face is humbling. I can't train him. I can't undo the physical problems he has. I yell at him all the time for his completely thoughtless behavior.
And still, he loves me. He protects me and would probably take on a grizzly bear to save me. Yeah, he's just that dumb. And me, I love him too. So that's my Valentine story about the dumbest dog I'll ever own.
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